Murphy's top ten laws of XMP

[PurplWulf]

1. When you're killed and shout out "Someone revive me!" there will always be at least one team member who's running directly over your body shouting "negative" instead of just hitting the "use" key and reviving you.

2. When you're using a vehicle turret as a stationary gun for strategic purposes, some suicidal team member will inevitably jump in the drivers seat and take you for a ride off a cliff, into a wall, or into another vehicle taking you with them on their suicide run.

3. When you're engaged in heavy combat with your trusty shotgun, one of your teamates will no doubt jump right in front of you when you decide to use the secondary fire, causing you to napalm yourself and die (possibly taking your teamate with you)

4. When you're hacking a generator/spawn point/door that you and your teamates just cleared out, your team will dissappear JUST when the lone enemy who's been hiding comes out and shoots you in the back of the head with his shotgun.

5. When you're hacking a spawn point that's been inactive for ages, someone will always spawn in moments before you've completed the hack and blast you at point blank range.

6. When you're about to snipe the artifact carrier for the other team, and stop them from scoring for the win, you'll run out of bullets and have to reload. part 2. by the time you're reloaded and zoomed back in, they're JUST going around a corner that causes you to lose the shot permanently.

7. You walk in to a room and know there's turrets put up someplace to defend it, so you sweep right first, the turrets will always have been on the left, and vice versa.

8. When Defending that crucial generator that could win or lose you the game, NOBODY ever shows up to take it and your team is fighting heavy battles, so you finally decide to walk away from the generator to help the rest of your team, only to run point blank into a gunner/tech with shotgun/flamethrower at the ready. Part 2. You just make it out of the area to hear "You're team has lost an energy source".

9. When you and your teamates finally find a nice quiet spot to replentish eachothers health/ammo/shields, some punk with a gas grenade wanders by and frags all your asses in a group kill.

10. You FINALLY make it into the enemy base to find it completely undefended, you double check to make sure you're alone and grab an artifact, only to discover that a freshly spawned group of enemies is coming thru the door while you're trying to exit with it.

[Maxx]

Originally posted by PurplWulf



3. When you're engaged in heavy combat with your trusty shotgun, one of your teamates will no doubt jump right in front of you when you decide to use the secondary fire, causing you to napalm yourself and die (possibly taking your teamate with you)





9. When you and your teamates finally find a nice quiet spot to replentish eachothers health/ammo/shields, some punk with a gas grenade wanders by and frags all your asses in a group kill.

Lol..nice. I get all flustrated again just reading through that. I'm glad to know that its not just me that wants to cry when #3 happens. From now on when that happens in game, I'll thank them for pulling a #3.

As for #9. I love to find groups of guys thinking they've found a quiet spot to replenish, and then Gas'em. Can you say "monster kill". Its funny to watch the messages scroll accross after an attack like that...lol. There is more than 10 though. Good work Wulfman, funny stuff.

[MikeSobe]

Originally posted by PurplWulf

1. ~
2. ~
3. ~
4. ~

5. When you're hacking a spawn point that's been inactive for ages, someone will always spawn in moments before you've completed the hack and blast you at point blank range.

6. ~
7. ~
8. ~
9. ~
10. ~

yep thats me, with the ALT shotgun


EDIT: oh I missed 9 - that is me also.....

and 3 sucks, the worst is when they run infront of your turrets and get killed. - or when a gas grenade kills them and I keep reviving them in the gas and they keep getting killed. Its funny as hell (but I lose a lot of points)

nice list BTW pretty true.

[PurplWulf]

Originally posted by Maxx
There is more than 10 though. Good work Wulfman, funny stuff.

Glad you like them

feel free to add to the list if you can think of some others

[Maxx]

How this one.

When you just escaped the enemy base with an artifact to see your glorious teammate in a raptor to help make your hasty retreat, only to have him accidently back over you whilst you're trying to climb in the turret. Oh man I love that.

[wolferey]

Originally posted by PurplWulf
1. ~
2. ~
3. ~
4. When you're hacking a generator/spawn point/door that you and your teamates just cleared out, your team will dissappear JUST when the lone enemy who's been hiding comes out and shoots you in the back of the head with his shotgun.
5. ~
6. ~
7. ~
8. When Defending that crucial generator that could win or lose you the game, NOBODY ever shows up to take it and your team is fighting heavy battles, so you finally decide to walk away from the generator to help the rest of your team, only to run point blank into a gunner/tech with shotgun/flamethrower at the ready. Part 2. You just make it out of the area to hear "You're team has lost an energy source".
9. ~
10. You FINALLY make it into the enemy base to find it completely undefended, you double check to make sure you're alone and grab an artifact, only to discover that a freshly spawned group of enemies is coming thru the door while you're trying to exit with it.

These are so true.. Especially 4 (see my "XMP can get you killed" thread) and 10, they always happen, no mather what!

[PurplWulf]

Originally posted by Maxx
How this one.

When you just escaped the enemy base with an artifact to see your glorious teammate in a raptor to help make your hasty retreat, only to have him accidently back over you whilst you're trying to climb in the turret. Oh man I love that.

LOL Maxx, I've seen that one happen to others, but in my case, it's usually the opposite, I run into the base and there's tons of vehicles for my team providing cover, so I grab the artifact, run out and make for the line of vehicles so they can drive my sorry ass home, and find the area empty, they've all left me and I have to hoof it back on foot being chased by angry techs and gunners all the way

[Maxx]

What makes that situation even better is when they drive off with the artifact. Rubbing salt in the wounds. I'm liable to hunt them down for that.

[Icarus_Nine]

Murphy's Top Ten for Gunners
10. After a heavy battle and your health is low, the first supply station you find is always either an ammo depot or shield station.
9. When fighting another gunner, he will always jump twice as much as you.
8. The enemy gunner will always lock all 4 of his missiles onto you before you can lock on 3.
7. When trying to use the flamethrower, the enemy will always escape the flames by an inch.
6. If you fire an incendiary grenade in close combat, you will always end up walking through it.
5. Concussion grenades blind you twice as long as the enemy. And three times as often.
4. As a gunner, the one resource you will always have the most of are shields, the least resource is always health and the closest teammate willing to help will always be a Tech.
3. You will always have to reload your launcher when your opponent runs out of energy to jump.
2. Your rocket launcher will always be half-full when defending something.
1. When you have an artifact and are running to your base, a tech will appear behind you out of thin air. And he will use the secondary fire of the shotgun. And have impeccable aim.

Rules of the Land Mine
- Any land mine used defensively will be seen by the enemy.
- Any land mine put in an area where the enemy would miss it will be detonated by a blind teammate.
- If you place a land mine in the middle of nowhere, you will always step on it at the worst possible time.
- If you forgot where you put a land mine... it's under your foot.

[PurplWulf]

LOL Icarus

sooooooo true

when I play as a ranger or a tech, I can never find a gunner around to resupply me, or an ammo resupply station nearby.

however when I play as a gunner all I can ever find is resupply stations or shield stations (usually which I don't even need)

[MikeSobe]

Originally posted by Icarus_Nine
Murphy's Top Ten for Gunners


1. When you have an artifact and are running to your base, [U2F]~MikeSobe will appear behind you out of thin air. And he will use the secondary fire of the shotgun. And have impeccable aim.

yep that sums it up nicely

[PurplWulf]

Originally posted by Icarus_Nine
Murphy's Top Ten for Gunners


1. When you have an artifact and are running to your base, [U2F]~MikeSobe will appear behind you out of thin air. And he will use the secondary fire of the shotgun. And have impeccable aim.

Originally posted by MikeSobe
yep that sums it up nicely

e'rybody wants to be like Mike *cough*

[Icarus_Nine]

Originally posted by Icarus_Nine
Murphy's Top Ten for Gunners
10. After a heavy battle and your health is low, the first supply station you find is always either an ammo depot or shield station.
9. When fighting another gunner, he will always jump twice as much as you.
8. The enemy gunner will always lock all 4 of his missiles onto you before you can lock on 3.
7. When trying to use the flamethrower, the enemy will always escape the flames by an inch.
6. If you fire an incendiary grenade in close combat, you will always end up walking through it.
5. Concussion grenades blind you twice as long as the enemy. And three times as often.
4. As a gunner, the one resource you will always have the most of are shields, the least resource is always health and the closest teammate will be [U2F]~MikeSobe, who is ignoring you.
3. You will always have to reload your launcher when your opponent runs out of energy to jump.
2. Your rocket launcher will always be half-full when defending something.
1. When you have an artifact and are running to your base, a tech will appear behind you out of thin air. And he will use the secondary fire of the shotgun. And have impeccable aim.

Rules of the Land Mine
- Any land mine used defensively will be seen by the enemy.
- Any land mine put in an area where the enemy would miss it will be stepped on by [U2F]~MikeSobe.
- If you place a land mine in the middle of nowhere, [U2F]~MikeSobe will always step on it while he's carrying an artifact.
- If you forgot where you put a land mine... it's under [U2F]~MikeSobe's foot.

Fixed, as per the previous suggestions.

[PurplWulf]

LMFAO

[Lessa]

I added this to my library thing, simpley because it's so damned funny . And landmines are better at nuking my own team (especially artifact carriers) than the enemy. (grr).

[HorrorShow]

running out of enemy base with artifact, 2 techs and a pissed off gunner (that you KOwned with a pistol 3 times in what seems mere seconds) your teammate frags YOU and misses everyone else.

When on lowlands it's inevitable your base will be overran and the base turrets used against spawn points.

XMP-Alcazar they forget to mention that when you have an artifact it affects your ability to jump the gap.

[Dark_Spectre]

Originally posted by PurplWulf
1. When you're killed and shout out "Someone revive me!" there will always be at least one team member who's running directly over your body shouting "negative" instead of just hitting the "use" key and reviving you.

That's especially wonderful when it was that team member that accidentally killed you in the first place.

[AnnonKaiesZi]

Annon Kaies Zi's Top Ten Laws of XMP, for Rangers

1. Rangers have all the ammo they need when there is no one around, and they just ran out when they see the enemy artifact carrier.

2. You line up a perfect shot to an enemy, only to get sniped by another enemy ranger milliseconds before you press fire.

3. You line up a perfect shot to an enemy, only to have a teammate shoot the guy mulliseconds before you do.

4. You can go up against a tech, a gunner, anyone with just your pistol; but right when you go against another ranger with the artifact, you die from his sniper called by a lucky shot.

5. You finnally get to that perfect sniper spot on a map, that takes hella jumping at the right times to get to this side of a mountain that is virtually impossible to get to, only to fall right back down and see your name and "fell to his death" in the bottom bottom left of your eye.

6. You run half-way across the map to revive a teammate, only to have him say "screw this" and spawn right as your reach him and stand there at his dead body.

7. Right as you go to K.O. an enemy after taking five minutes to kill him with your pistol, he respawns right as you press to K.O. him.

8. You run to a Gunner teammate to heal him, make him all new and shinny, and when an enemy comes your Gunner decides to run and and leave you to die.

9. When #8 happens, you are able to kill the enemy. As you see that same gunner teammate walk back near you and ask you to heal him again, you team-kill him only to be vote-kicked from the server minutes later.

10. When #9 happens, you rejoin the server only to have the gunner team-kill you over and over. He does it by killing you with his flamethrower, reviving you, killing you, reviving you, killing you...

11. There is no number eleven, you left the damn server!

[JSylvia007]

I think i've fallen victim to almost every one of these..

~Jake

[Lopar-XL]

LOL, this is one funny thread.

Here's my two cents, taken from my astonaut bank:

11. By the time you finally drive your vehicle out of your base garage, half of its hit points will be gone just from all of the accidental dings and crashes. Note to Legend: please include mouse steering in next patch.

12. You make it back to base with an artifact, only to be felled by your fellow technicians and gunners who've surrounded the artifact node with the same force walls, laser trip mines and land mines that were supposed to keep out the enemy.

13. You and a teammate hop in a Raptor to make a run for an artifact. You succesfully line up the buggy in the narrow straightaway to the motorized door, slam the accelerator pedal down and prepare for an exhilerating, dramatic exit into the battlezone with your guns blazing and a triumphant cry of "YEEEEE-HAAAW!!!" when suddenly your vehicle crashes into the door before it completely rises out of the way...and get stuck like a fish on a line.

14. Your operating one of the laser turrets scattered throughout the map, providing covering fire for your team. Your concentration is so focused that you fail to notice the enemy gunner standing behind you and laying a half dozen mines around your feet.

[Lopar-XL]

Originally posted by PurplWulf

5. When you're hacking a spawn point that's been inactive for ages, someone will always spawn in moments before you've completed the hack and blast you at point blank range.

6. When you're about to snipe the artifact carrier for the other team, and stop them from scoring for the win, you'll run out of bullets and have to reload. part 2. by the time you're reloaded and zoomed back in, they're JUST going around a corner that causes you to lose the shot permanently.


10. You FINALLY make it into the enemy base to find it completely undefended, you double check to make sure you're alone and grab an artifact, only to discover that a freshly spawned group of enemies is coming thru the door while you're trying to exit with it.

I know, those events are sooo annoying!

Icarus_Nine and AnnonKaiesZi, ROFLOL!

[Icarus_Nine]

Originally posted by Lopar-XL
11. By the time you finally drive your vehicle out of your base garage, half of its hit points will be gone just from all of the accidental dings and crashes. Note to Legend: please include mouse steering in next patch.

15. You're skilled enough and with a good enough ping that you can get any vehicle out of its garage without a scratch. But the moment you get into a vehicle towing an artifact along, the only way that raptor is coming out of the garage is on its turret.

16. See above, only apply it to raptor-chuting.

[Soul Assasin]

17:You go to the enemy base-> fight your way trough-> grab an artifact->make your way back killing every enemy on your way->finaly arrive in your own base whit 2 hitpoints left and you are about to run trough the artifact node and then u hear "artifact node off line".

[rage1981]

Or on the map NaKoja, you manage to grab an artifact, run for the raptor only for your fellow gunner to gun it down, so you escape the base with 1 shield and health. You launch into you base via the front jump pad because both side entrances are being bombarded, only to find the same gunner has layed mines around the landing points, so you use your jetpack to allow for weapon switching to your grenade launcher, you nade them, THEN remember you had 1 shield and health as you pass the platform with the turrets on...

[Magwa]

my personel favorite .you get out of enemy base with arifact you are low on health and ammo and shield and along comes a raptor yelling get into the vehicle you stop to get in and they just keep on driving and yelling get into the vehicle......Gawd!!!!!!!!!

[Lessa]

When attempting to cap an artifact you will invartialy come across one of TEZC-Cata's mines, meaning she has to cap it for you

[wolferey]

Top ten for vehicles:

10. When trying to get out of the base, half you health will go away...
9. when 10 occurs, an enemy will always show up and blow up the vehicle you sit in.
8. If you jump into a vehicle as a vehicle gunner, some enemy will always show up in the end your not looking at and blow up the vehicle.
7. If you are sitting the right way as a vehicle gunner, having the enemy in sight, another enemy will come from behind and damage the vehicle...
6. when 7 occurs, you will look around to kill the other enemy, only to find the first enemy you completly forgot about blowing up your vehicle that is alreay damaged.
5. When your driving and see an enemy, you are most likely to drive down a hill and crash, something that makes the vehicle blow up.
4. When you have an artifact and get into a vehicle while having the enemy after you, you will most likely forget about the map and just drive to get rid of the vehicle, only to find yourself in the enemy base again.
3. When 4 occurs, a bunch of newly spawned enemies will blow up your vehicle.
2. When you see the enemy coming with a tank, you will try to blow it up, only to find another vehicle driving you over.
1. When you succeded in blowing up the enemies tank, you will be team-killed by a gunner in your teams tank mistaking you for the enemy

[Lessa]

When in the perfect gunning position in a juggernaut, someone on your own team will ram you, at speed, with a raptor, throwing your aim completely off and allowing the enemy arti carrier to escape unharmed.

[PurplWulf]

Originally posted by Catalyst88
When attempting to cap an artifact you will invartialy come across one of TEZC-Cata's mines, meaning she has to cap it for you

AHA!!!!
now I know who to blame for that

that has to be the most frustrating thing for me as an artifact carrier. I make it out of the enemy base, thru heavily defended territory, kill everyone trying to regain their arti, make it back to the "safety" of my base with almost no health and no shields left, only to find I have to clear out the artifact node so I can cap it. And while I'm busy making sure not to kill myself on my own teams mines and traps, the other team catches up and kills me on my node and the artifact lays there on the pad taunting me

[Lessa]

Sorry, I just love my mines