Dragonball TTLS

[Dark_nesss]

Dragonball TTLS
TTLS = The True Legendary Saiyan

Chapter 1: Goku vs Vegeta Arc

Goku steps into the other word tournament ring, and so does Vegeta.

Goku: "Vegeta, you've grown stronger since the last time we fought."

Vegeta: "Kakarot, we finally can fight without anything hold us back."

Announcer: "Get ready!"

Announcer: "...."

Announcer: "Fight!"

Vegeta turns Super Saiyan and rushes torwards Goku. Goku uses Instant Transmission, Vegeta looks up.

Vegeta: "Wha-"

But before Vegeta could finish, Goku teleports infront of Vegeta and punches him in the face. Vegeta flys 13 feet, then Goku teleports behind Vegeta. Vegeta turns around to see Goku and stops before Goku could catch him.

Vegeta: "Galick Gun!"

Goku: "Oh Man."

Before the Galick Gun hits Goku, he puts his fist up and socks the Galick Gun into the air.

Goku: "Ka-Me-Ha-Me-HA! x5!"

Vegeta: "What?!" *How could he have deflected my blast so easily?*

The next thing Vegeta knew, he was hit by Goku's Kamehameha. Goku walks upto Vegeta.

Goku: "Come on Vegeta, I know you have more potential then this!"

Vegeta gets up, and looks at Goku. Then Vegeta punches Goku in the stomach.

Vegeta: "Use your full power Kakarot, I'm tired of you always holding back on me!"

Goku: "Fine, I will."

Goku: "AAAHHHH!!!!!!"

Goku's hair lifts up, and starts to turn a dark gold color.

Goku: "GGGGGAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

A lightning aura starts to show up around Goku, but his hair is still the same length. The arena around Goku and Vegeta starts to lift up. Then lightning starts striking the ground around them.

Vegeta: "I've never felt such power, is he really going to show his full potential?!"

It turns night all of a sudden, then day, then night again. The whole arena floats into the air slightly.

Goku: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!"

Goku: "That's it, I'm stoping if I power up anymore it will destroy this whole arena."

Goku's is more dense than the regular Super Saiyan stage, but with a dense and fast moving lightning aura around him. His muscle are bulked upto that of the Ultra Super Saiyan stage, but with a very fast intense firey aura surrounding him.

Goku: "I made this form myself by combining Super Saiyan 2 and Ultra Super Saiyan, so what do you think Vegeta?"

Vegeta: "It's absolulte madness." *The Ultra Super Saiyan stage is really slow, but the Super Saiyan 2 stage is really fast. So by combining the two forms, he was able to make a stage with higher power than Super Saiyan 2 but faster than Ultra Super Saiyan incredible!*

Goku: "Well Vegeta lets fight."

Vegeta powers upto his Super Saiyan 2 stage.

Vegeta: "Right, lets do it!"

You can hear people in the arena seats yelling, screaming, and cheering in the background.

Goku shoots a ki blast at Vegeta, Vegeta deflects the ki blast and shoots a one handed Galick Gun at Goku. Then Vegeta teleports behind Goku and holds him there.

Vegeta: "We all know who would win from the start, Kakarot."

Goku: "Yeah, me."

Goku elbows Vegeta in the stomach three times, then Goku powers up and blows Vegetas arms open. Goku teleports behind Vegeta and holds him there, and at that very second the Galick Gun hits Vegeta. And Vegeta falls to the ground.

Goku: "Get up Vegeta, you were great. But you still need more training."
*Goku reverts back to this normal stage.*

Vegeta: "No! Damn it! I can't lose to you anymore!"
*Vegeta reverts back to his normal stage.*

Goku: "Vegeta, we're dead. And we're in other world, our bodies aren't as limited as they were on Earth. So feel free to train all you want."

Vegeta: "Fine, but next time we fight I will win."

Goku: "Ah, come on Vegeta."

Vegeta: "You're always too optimistic."

End of Chapter 1.

----------------------

This is my first fanfiction, so please tell me your thoughts. If you feel like flaming, just don't post in here. If you don't like it, just tell me. I don't mind since it's my first fanfiction, but tell me your thoughts.

EDIT: If anyone flames in here, I'll report them and close this thread. Unless it's Ssj3 Gotenks or any of the new flamers here. (I mean the people that just made an account just to flame and spam in here.)

EDIT2: And also tell me if it needs more work. Please and thank you.

[Tha_Assasin]

It's....alright.

The combining transformations part was pretty lame, but aside from that, it was alright to say the least.

[Crimson Quasar]

where does htis take place exactly?


~CQ

[Da Big Boss]

It's Ok.

[Dark_nesss]

Originally Posted by Crimson Quasar

where does htis take place exactly?


~CQ

Other world.

EDIT: Well the beggining of it anyways.

[Crimson Quasar]

I see
its a bit hard to imagine the scenario
but its alright for a start


~CQ

[Deathwing]

I don't like it too much really, fused two Super Saiyan stages?, the dialogue is poor and has no depth, you are more focusing in the fight than anything else. Goku is way to cocky and the interaction between Vegeta and Goku is bad. Just some constructive criticism.

[Dark_nesss]

Originally Posted by Tha_Assasin

It's....alright.

The combining transformations part was pretty lame, but aside from that, it was alright to say the least.

I thought it would be cool, but if you don't its cool.

Originally Posted by Deathwing

I don't like it too much really, fused two Super Saiyan stages?, the dialogue is poor and has no depth, you are more focusing in the fight than anything else. Goku is way to cocky and the interaction between Vegeta and Goku is bad. Just some constructive criticism.

Well it's my first fanfiction. What do you expect? I'll be practicing on them more to make them better.

[Deathwing]

Originally Posted by Dark_nesss

Well it's my first fanfiction. What do you expect? I'll be practicing on them more to make them better.

Calm down, I was just giving you some points. You keep practicing and watch out the grammar as well.

[Da Big Boss]

Well now we're talking, It's good for your 1st try

[Dark_nesss]

Originally Posted by Deathwing

Calm down, I was just giving you some points. You keep practicing and watch out the grammar as well.

The only thing I need is a better plot. LOL. That's the only thing I'm lacking mainly, I need to put more thought into my fanfictions. And I'm not mad, I'm just giving reasons. That's it really.

[Deathwing]

Originally Posted by Dark_nesss

The only thing I need is a better plot. LOL. That's the only thing I'm lacking mainly, I need to put more thought into my fanfictions. And I'm not mad, I'm just giving reasons. That's it really.

Yeah, you work on that, it's fair for the first try tough.

[Vishkugeta]

Dragonball LDS was my 1st Fanfic. It's good but it needs more detail and work into it. Look out for grammar errors and try to think for a good plot and plan out everything. Put suspensful parts to make the reader excited and capture their attention. Add cliffhangers to the end of each chapter. And make the chapters more than just dialogue. Just some advice that I was given when I made DB LDS.

[Lord Kalmana]

1st thing you must do...is throw out the script format

[Dark_nesss]

Originally Posted by Vishkugeta

Dragonball LDS was my 1st Fanfic. It's good but it needs more detail and work into it. Look out for grammar errors and try to think for a good plot and plan out everything. Put suspensful parts to make the reader excited and capture their attention. Add cliffhangers to the end of each chapter. And make the chapters more than just dialogue. Just some advice that I was given when I made DB LDS.

I'll be making a brand new one, with a totally different name. Thanks for the advice man.

[Vishkugeta]

Originally Posted by Lord Kalmana

1st thing you must do...is throw out the script format

Yeah, you must do that to have a good fanfic.

[Dark_nesss]

Originally Posted by Vishkugeta

Yeah, you must do that to have a good fanfic.

Well, it's my first one. And I came up with it kind of fast, since I've been busy with school I haven't had much time to really do much fun stuff. But on the weekend I'll have time to think up of a better format and a better more suspenceful storyline (not to mention longer. ) story line.

[Dark_nesss]

Future Trunks

Dragonball TTLS

Chapter 2: Future Trunks Returns

It's been 40 years since the Trunks that warned Goku of the heart virus and the android attack. Bulma has grown very old, but the world that future Trunks lived in was slowly rebuilding it self. The cities, towns, and homes of the people who lvied in fear for all thoughs years were getting rebuilt. Trunks was happy because of this, but he was wondering what was happening in the alternate future he left behind after the fight with Cell. The reason for this is so he can see his father and Goku again.

"Mom, how much fuel do we have left in the time machine?", asked Trunks.

"We only have enough for two trips, why? What do you need it for?", asked Bulma.

"I want to see my father and Goku again.", said Trunks.

"Okay, the time machine is the blue capsule.", said Bulma.

"Thanks Mom, I'll see you in a few days.", said Trunks.

Trunks opens up the capsule container and pushes the button on top of the container, then he throws it on the ground. You hear "BoOoOoM!!!", you see white smoke. The time machine was a dark blue color with four spider like legs, but it was shaped like a bullet. The glass on the top of it was made of clear fiber glass, combined with diamond powder so it was really hard to break during time travel. It had small thrusters at the bottom of it, the thrusters were more of a light silver color though. Trunks looks up at the bright yellow Sun, and blue sky. There's green pine trees in the background, and the grass is a nice light green color. The grass was cut nicely and it looked like someone put a lot of time and effort into cutting it.

Trunks starts to walk to the time machine and pushes a teal color button to open up the top of the time machine. And Trunks jumps into the time machine, he looks down at all the buttons. Then he turns to his right and starts typing some information into the computer. In a few moments,outside the time machine starts to get really bright. Then the time machine disapears into thin air, the time machine travels like a bullet too.

After a 3 hours of time traveling Trunks finally reached his destination, he landed in a forest with a beautiful lake. The lake was so clear you can see the bottom of it, and some long grass patches along the side of it. There was deer feeding off the grass and fish eating the bugs off the top of the lake, the sky was a nice shade of baby blue and sun was shining down on the lake making it glow slightly.

---------
(My bad for double post, but I just wanted to post chapter 2 to see what everyone else thought about it. )

This is chapter 2 tell me your thoughts on the overall improvement over chapter 1.

[Da Big Boss]

This one is better, But you need still need to improve

[Dark_nesss]

Originally Posted by Da Big Boss

This one is better, But you need still need to improve

Thanks man.


I'm great when it comes to detail, but I'll put way more work into the next chapter though.

[Vishkugeta]

It's much better. LOL at the Future Trunks. Except, you still need to get rid of the little script format. Ex:

Trunks: "blah blah blah"
Bulma: "blah blah blah"

Instead do it in this format, but only if you want to. :

Trunks walked up to Bulma.

"Blah Blah Blah", asked Trunks.

"Blah Blah Blah", said Bulma.

[Dark_nesss]

Originally Posted by Vishkugeta

It's much better. LOL at the Future Trunks. Except, you still need to get rid of the little script format. Ex:

Trunks: "blah blah blah"
Bulma: "blah blah blah"

Instead do it in this format, but only if you want to. :

Trunks walked up to Bulma.

"Blah Blah Blah", asked Trunks.

"Blah Blah Blah", said Bulma.

LOL, yeah, well it's 40 years what do you expect he grew a mustache and a goatee.

[Vishkugeta]

Maybe you can add like a twist to the plot after Trunks is with Goku, Vegeta, etc.

Trunks decided it was time for him to go back into his timeline. He walked into the time machine. He fired it up and was ready to go back. His friends and family waved goodbye. The time machine went up a little and then suddenly crashed back down.

"Huh?", Trunks said confused.

Trunks looked at the fuel and gasped. It was empty.

"Mom said there was enough for two trips!...Oh well I'm guess I'm stuck here.", Trunks said sadly in his head.

[Da Big Boss]

That Trunks still looks OK

[Dark_nesss]

Originally Posted by Vishkugeta

Maybe you can add like a twist to the plot after Trunks is with Goku, Vegeta, etc.

Trunks decided it was time for him to go back into his timeline. He walked into the time machine. He fired it up and was ready to go back. His friends and family waved goodbye. The time machine went up a little and then suddenly crashed back down.

"Huh?", Trunks said confused.

Trunks looked at the fuel and gasped. It was empty.

"Mom said there was enough for two trips!...Oh well I'm guess I'm stuck here.", Trunks said sadly in his head.

I'll do something like that, but I had a nice idea too.

[Da Big Boss]

Try to do your best

[Lightning Strike]

I didn't really like your first chapter, it wasn't very descriptive, it didn't have any depth and the script format is terrible. Your second chapter on the other hand, was much better, except you need to broaden your vocabulary and work on that grammar.

Originally Posted by Dark_nesss

Vegeta: "It's absolulte madness."

Madness...

[Dark_nesss]

Originally Posted by Lightning Strike

I didn't really like your first chapter, it wasn't very descriptive, it didn't have any depth and the script format is terrible. Your second chapter on the other hand, was much better, except you need to broaden your vocabulary and work on that grammar.



Madness...

Yeah, I'll be working all day on chapter 3. Chapter 3 will be my best one yet.

Spoiler:

Chapter 3: Trunks meets Trunks (I'm serious though, that's going to be the next chapter.)

[Akiro]

I Liked this. Exellent Job!!!

[dbz_hunter 001]

Chapter 2 caught my attention over chapter one.

Chapter 2 was really good and I am hoping you will continue with the Future Trunks' story because almost anything can happen in his time line. Anything that has something to do with Vegeta or Goku would mean they need to have done it in the past or something.